


The Woman Named Sasha Braus

by zeskyzed



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Attack on Titan Spoilers, But the proposal didn't happen, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Love, Marriage Proposal, Niccolo's pain, Sadness, Spoilers, Yes i'm sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 21:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30129186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeskyzed/pseuds/zeskyzed
Summary: A diary entry of Niccolo's pain and heartbreak after hearing about what happened to Sasha. Just a quick fic that I wanted to write which incorporates some of my headcanons as well. I put the major character death as it is more of an implication than reading about the character dying right then and there.
Relationships: Sasha Blouse/Niccolo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	The Woman Named Sasha Braus

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever work that I'm posting onto AO3. Yes this may be bad I apologize. Basically this is just a diary entry type of fic of Niccolo's pain because I'm still sad about Sasha. Yes this does contain spoilers so click away now if you're not properly caught up with Attack On Titan.

Sasha Braus was her name. It’d never occurred to me that I’d fall in love with a woman who was of Eldian descent. All my life I'd been taught that they were the devils of mankind and weren’t to be trusted. Obviously, given this information constantly drilled into my brain, I’d think of them as lowlifes for most of my life. My point of view changed and my confliction started when I’d actually met a pure Eldian.

She came with her fellow friends and soldiers from the Paradis military. Being a Marleyan chef, I had to cook for them, unknowing of what or who would await me. As tempted as I was to do something to their food, I realized that would be low for me, so I bit back my pride and cooked for them as Yelena had ordered.

When I’d actually met them my expectations weren’t as high but they didn’t seem as bad as I thought they were. I still kept my guard up though, after all they were the devils of Paradis. They seemed nice enough to let me do my thing, as I cooked for them with a slight scowl painted on my face in irritation.

I heard yelling behind me and when I turned around to look to see what mischief they were up to, I saw a brunette greedily chomping down on the freshly made lobster I’d just cooked and had placed on the table.

I could only watch and stare as tears of what seemed to be joy poured from her eyes as she took huge bites the meal I made for her and her friends. From that seemingly extravagant reaction it was obvious she’s never had any type of seafood before. 

“Niccolo you’re a genius! This is amazing!” She cried as more tears spilled from her eyes.

“Sasha! Stop being so greedy and leave some for us!” The one with the buzzcut called out. 

“Both of you be quiet. Sasha save some food for us!” Called out the boy with light brown hair.

My face felt hot and it took me a few seconds to realize that I was blushing. Me? Blushing because of an Eldian? I couldn’t even comprehend my emotions at the time. It took me about two years of knowing her to realize how much she truly meant to me.

Everyday I saw that beautiful woman, my heart grew stronger with longing. Every feature of her made me love her even more. My hatred for Eldians gradually got replaced with fondness. I had a softness for her and her friends. They all seemed like sweet people, however I would never admit it.

I decided keeping my desires a secret was the best thing I could do, as doing anything else would force me to come off as a hypocrite, or as a weakling. I was neither of those things. So of course, I kept my mouth shut as I admired her beauty.

My feelings towards Sasha weren’t limited to looks. No, no. That would be absurd. 

The reason I fell in love with her was not for her looks or anything like that. It was for her love of my food. Her constant praise as she chowed down the meals I made for her made my heart bloom as butterflies fluttered all around my stomach.

One day she had to go off for a mission back in my home, Marley. Of course, I wasn’t there at the time as I was a captive Marleyan who had to cook for those soldiers. So I was safe from the upcoming declaration of war.  
I thought the mission would go smoothly. Or maybe, I'd just hoped it would. I should’ve known things wouldn’t have been easy. Is this the payback I get for falling in love with a woman from Paradis?

I couldn’t help it, I really couldn’t. I wish I could take back everything I did to hide my stupid feelings. Maybe we could’ve been happier living a life together. However, things aren’t always as cut and dry.

I know Sasha’s strong. She’s a female soldier, and was in the top ten of soldiers when she was 15. Of course she’s strong. So how did it end up like this?

I assumed the mission would’ve gone well, I mean after all they did say that most people got back on the airship alive. Of course, there were some casualties but I’m sure Marley suffered a greater loss than the soldiers did.

If only they’d closed the door. If only Sasha hadn’t shot that one person that inclined that girl to kill her. Maybe things would’ve been different.

I was planning on proposing to her. Yes I didn’t necessarily state my feelings towards her but I just had a feeling she felt the same way about me. I didn’t think much as it was more of an impulse decision. How ironic it was that my reasoning was because I didn’t want to act out too late and lose my chance.

After Sasha got killed I know that her friends were devastated. Connie especially seemed shaken up and hurt by this. He wouldn’t dare show too much of his emotion, but if you looked long enough, you could see the hurt that was painted all over his eyes. When he told me it’d felt like he’d lost his other half I could feel my heart shatter for him as the realization sunk in. Sasha was a woman who meant so many different things to so many different people.

For me, she was the woman I was in love with. Only pain could be felt in my heart as every day without her felt like it was breaking. I kept the ring I’d bought for her and us. I wore both of them everyday and wouldn’t take them off no matter what. To this day I still have them on and no matter how much it hurts to be reminded of her death, I couldn’t bear the feeling of ever wanting to take them off.

Sorrow filled my heart the first day I stood next to her grave. Proof that she really was dead. 

She died so young. We could’ve had a life together, but no, that one warrior candidate had to ruin it all.

It took me a while to get over that. I even went as far as attacking a child. I felt horrible for what I did but a part of me still felt as though she deserved it.

I became more closed off as I went back to my old ways of thinking. Yes, that may be childish but it was the only way I could cope. So I amplified my hostility towards others and it took a while for me to quit it.

I found myself caring for her friends too. I didn’t necessarily intend to make friends with her friends but they were connected to her in a way, which is why I assume I cared so much about protecting them. 

My heart felt empty without Sasha Braus. The absolute love of my life. The only thing that could really keep me going was her memory and legacy. She would probably never know the impact she made in my life, or maybe she did. Who knows?

However, it’s too late to find out now. I’m writing this letter currently missing her once more, as I do every day of my life. Nothings the name anymore and I can’t wait for the day I’ll be able to see her again.  
Maybe then I can propose to the woman I love.

The woman named Sasha Braus.

-Niccolo


End file.
